Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Deep in the Heart...with a hella sunburn!

So, we have had some travel recently.

The duch and I flew to Oklahoma City.

Then JWB and the #1son drove in a few days later.

Then I got on another plane and flew to Texas.

South Texas that is.

South, South Texas that is.

But I saw the ocean! From the plane, but still.

Oh, and I FINALLY scored the drink tickets from SWA! WOOTWOOT. Is it wrong that I used them all on the first leg? No I didn't. (or DID I......)

Sidebar: Who in the hockeystick thought it was a good idea to take 7 years of french classes when CLEARLY that is NOT THE DIRECTION THIS COUNTRY IS GOING.

Wait, that was me.

Another fabulously romantic idea gone awry, but I digress.

Tomorrow, we have some more travel plans.

JWB and the Duchess are headed back to the Zonie via SWA. 

Me? After a great, super sunburney (is that even a word?!) run in McAllen/Mission TX, I am off to another hallway adventure in RIchmond, VA.


And #1Son? He is holding down the newfound family fort in OKC for a few days. Testing out the old solo bachelor waters so to speak. Hope there are no tornaders. 

No seriously, I hope there are no tornaders, that would be bad because dude wont even notice since he brought his xbox, ipod, phone and has a remarkable ability to shut out the outside and not hear like the entire world flying past his window.

I do like saying and writing the word tornaders though. Except Karin Chopin would be screaming THAT IS NOT A WORD. (snicker)

Unrelatedly, I am astounded by this sunburn. It's life changing I think. My nose may not recover. We may need to amputate. Or maybe not so much. But did you know that I think the sun is closer to the earth here in South SOuth SOUTH Texas? I mean I live in Phoenix for the love of GOD. But this? This is worthy. I mean I look like a total know until the red passes and then MY FACE STARTS TO PEEL OFF.

I guess this is God's way of giving me cheapo microdermabrasion/fakefacelift......right?

Anyways, off to the NORTH from way, way, way SOUTH tomorrow. 

Wishing for Sunday already, miss you mi casa and mi familia.

Thats spanish. just in case you took 7 years of french like me.

Peace, love, mojic....and no hablo espanol....

Saturday, May 19, 2012

My reality show addiction has peaked and why I miss Judy Blume already even though I don't think she is dead.

So in total order of nondouchieness, my top favorite reality couples and why they get the nodouchie street cred. OH, and why Judy Blume is totally relevant 25 years later.

1. Giuliana and Bill-I feel there were genetic alterations happening when these two were born AND then they hooked up. Could there BE two more physically perfect people? Plus, they have real problems and don't sugercoat them. I enjoy that. Not that they have real problems, but the nonsugarcoating part. It's a no bullshit relationship. Fabulous. Plus? Bill was a tad douchie before meeting G-doodle. She made him cool. And not even just because he learned Italian for her. (If you are saying EItalian in your head right now I disown you and never read me again) (just kidding, I will only be bitter for a minute-it is totally not the mojinature to keep a grudge) (except for you that random crazy psycho that YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE)...and then we were done with that one.

2. Chloe and Lamar-Lets face it, Lambie is a pretty sweet guy and Chloe has the foulest mouth on the planet but beyotch stands by her man and the fact that they have survived the spotlight for this long is highly entertaining in the most reality hopeful way. Plus her brother Rob has THE worst OCD ever, which is also entertaining, poor guy. And, his family is wack, her family is a bunch of fame whores, and they still somehow manage to be kinda normal. But with sex swings, which is not. normal that is. (or is it? I am unaware of this phenomenon, so for those of you who are, and are not complete wierdos-wait, just scratch that entire last bit there PLEASE, STAY AWAY)

3.  Kathy Griffin (KATHLEEN!!!) and her mother Maggie-Clearly, Momma knows best in this Holy shizzballs craziness. I would like to point out, that in the history of the mojic, this bitch has been my favorite. She picked, she pointed, she threw stones, she threw freaking SOCIAL GRENADES at everyone and their famous mothers and in the process she still managed to 1) Tell Jesus to suck it-which, frankly I heart Jesus but it was HILARIOUS to the point that if J man was on the ground, he would have appreciated the UPROAR and used it to his eternal advantage. I was soooooooooooooooooo waiting for a Jesus can suck it  t-shirt to materialize. Shame on you capitalist pigs for not taking full advantage of that folly. AND 2? she dated THE WOZ, for real. For those of you under a straight up silicon valley rock or shallow grave, THE WOZ is Steve Wozniak, co-founder (don't listen to the rumors- THE WOZ was totally) of Apple.

An Open Letter To Apple:

I hate you and your simple. And your MAC. And your ITUNES.


Now I am just angry because I went "ALL STEVE JOBS IN MY HEAD".

Judy Freaking Blume People.

I learned how not to bully from her.
I learned what tampons were from her.
I learned that nerds are cool too from her.
I learned to be kind to people who other people were not kind to from her.
I learned that "love and other indoor sports" is not appropriate from her.
I learned to love the one in the middle AND the green kangaroo from her.

I met, on a whim, with my parents and brother on  a trip to Maine when I was 11, Judy Blume's Aunt and Uncle. And they were fantastic, and amazing-probably JUST LIKE SHE WROTE BOUT IN ALL HER BOOKS. And they made fast friends of me-at 11. I idolized her. They told me they would send me her AUTOGRAPH. "Just send me your autograph book, and we will give it to her to sign" REMEMBER THOSE???? And my mom did, and she did sign, and weeks later I got not just my book back, but a letter FROM JUDY BLUME.

And in it, she thanked me for reading her books- (omg)
and for being so kind to her Aunt and Uncle- (omg)

In that letter, JUDY FREAKING BLUME taught me a lesson that she maybe didn't even mean to teach.

To be kind. And Faithful. And Just, Be.

Be the one in the middle.
Be the socially awkward teen.
Be the leader even when you dont know what you are doing.
Be kind, in the worst moments.
Be intrusive, and objective when others are. (Unkind, that is)
Be you, always, no matter who tells you otherwise-because at the end of the line, only the judgement of the MAN UPSTAIRS matters.
And live, forgive alot and forget a little.
Be the person that God asks you to be.
And fail at it.
But keep grooving anyway.

As always my moji pals,

Peace, Love, Mojic......and Judy Freakin Blume

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Things concerning The Bubbers and unrelatedly, I got a shot in the heinie!

So in the event that I die or something, here are my wishes. This is especially important after the hijinks of this week concerning the area formerly known as my hallway.

I allergied. STAT. and got a shot in the bootie. It was humiliating to say the least.

If I die, for any reason, other than foul play (wierdos abound-vigilance is KEY)
I wish to donate any organs not otherwise pickled by Sailing with the Captain AND/OR vanillymanilly to someone who needs them.

Specifically-and also, seriously in regards to organ donation, should not someone get to choose if they could?!

As The Bubbers was doing his best to walk with me tonight I thought to myself. " I wish I could give you mine."

Side Bar: The Bubbers is #4 child in the unit. We met when he was a naughty bean, very small and uncooperative scaring the beejeezus out of his family.  I was ill equipped emotionally to understand what his mom and dad were going through back then. He is much more hearty today, but still, still, in a heartbeat I know, each one of us would give him mine.

By mine, I mean....

My eyes... his beautiful green eyes, now one brown forever.

My legs, strong like tree trunks, straight and long.

My ability to swallow and eat far more than I should JUST simply because it tastes good.

My heart, although his so far, with some repairs is strong and true.

My ears, even though they could be mistaken for bat wings or perhaps the night wing stalker.....(damn hoppes)

because they hear. well.

My feet, although JWB jokes they are flinstone feet like my dads, they are flat, and strong. I would give them away in a second to see him uncumbered.

Little man is trying SO hard to grow up in a body that just keeps telling him, meh.

But, he has never given up. Not once. In the almost 8 years that I have known him, he has ALI'd it to the finish line every, single day. (HE IS THE GREATEST!!!)

Today, in the crazy Arizona spring rain, amidst my panic to get him inside in the safety of our house...I had to set him down because the one thing that holds my system together and allows me to carry his burden for him has told me, enough. My back. My stupid, going to the chiropractor 3 times a week, totally screwed up back that fails me every other weekend and tuesday and thursday nights when I need to carry his burden and cannot. It is the most epic of failures in my lifetime thus far. and i hate it.

BUT when I set him down, just for that minute....he looked at me. REALLY looked at me, right through me almost. It is somewhat spooky when he does that. Because stuff happens.

And then he grabbed my hands, and HE STOOD UP SO FAST! Like it was nothing!

And he walked. Holding one finger of mine, just for because. He walked his OWN SELF from the garage to the house.

And he laughed.

And then I cried.

And then he drank some juice and he took a nap, just like any other day.

And all was peaceful.

So in the event that I die from some random allergic craziness or whatever, there is one person on this earth that can have everything I can leave behind that is useful. Because he will use it all. And he deserves everything.


And plus I know that The Duchess will always take care of her Bubbers. Cuz she told me so.